i will never forget

THURSDAY

I sneaked into my friends' classroom during their free period, while I was supposed to attend chemistry lesson. What i have done there was merely wasting my time on telling lame jokes, reading friend's essay, and redoing some math questions. 

Time flies, it was too late to realize that one period had already over. Guilty started to engulf me. Worrying about what would happens after I return to the lab,I text messaged my friend who is also the class monitor.
Nevertheless, i returned to the lab immediately whitout receiving her reply. 

I entered the lab cautiously, trying to attract no attention hoping that nothing will happen.

However

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" the teacher fixed her eyes on me and asked. Obviously she was not in a good mood.

My heart started palpitating quickly in fear. I was stoned. My mind went blank like a piece of paper.

The lesson had instantly paused in silence, every head turned to look in my direction.

“I might excuse you being late for 15 minutes, and now one period had gone. What took you so long?” The voice echoeing in my mind like bullet, shooting me continuously.
She advanced, “Where had you been?”
She raises her voice boldly and repeated the same question. “WHERE HAD YOU BEEN?”
“I… was in the class next door.” I answered involuntarily. Immediately, I regretted. 'shit! why'd i tell her the truth!'
“You were in the class next door? What were you doing there?”

Cold sweat trickled down my neck.
She proceeded, “I will mark you an absent for this period. Give me a slip.” 
I fell back into my seat, knowing that this was inevitable.

Sighed deeply, I admit I'm not a good liar. If i did not tell her the truth, if i returned to the lab 15 minutes earlier, if i waited for my friend's messege, if i did not return to the lab, i will not have to suffer from this. But what have done is done..

Wait, I turn around and asked one of my friends, “Is it possible to settle this with a fake slip?”

“Why not? It's so common..” On the spot, friends around me suggested with different answers. Gosh, I just realized my ingenuousness.

For a moment i sat there, staring down at the physical chem book before me. Thinking of either to face deduction on merit or to tell lie for the permission slip, I felt powerless . How could I get it? Who should I ask from? Which teacher would be willing to break the rules for me?

FRIDAY

I decided to ask one of my PRS’s teachers to help by giving a sympathy slip after struggles and worries for a whole night. I found her and dispense my troubles over her. She seems to sympathize and wanted to help. 

I felt a great sense of hope and relief. Maybe she could help? 

A moment later, she asked for the reason I gave to the teacher yesterday, I told her frankly. To my dismay, her facial expression changed immediately. She was having a class during that period,so there are no possibility that the teacher will belief that the class next door was actually her class. 

I could tell by her face, that she was sympathize on my situation as she keeps asking me,“why'd you told her you're in the class next door?” as if there is no one on earth could ever help for such an idiotic reason. She stared into my eyes for a second,then suggested me to face the problem honestly. 

Returned to classroom, for the whole day I was moaning and worrying about the incident. The lecture to me just went in one ear and out the other. I wasn't able to pay the least attention. 

The bell rang, I dashed out classroom to find a friend that I believed she is reliable and pour all my troubles to her. She suggested seeking help from her English teacher, who was teaching her class when I was absent. I was reluctant. To me, she is not the kind of teacher who tolerated indiscipline.

I sat immobile in my chair, thinking of whether therea are other solution. A moment later, I confirmed as she was the only one who can help me on this trouble. I met my friend on the way to toilet and off we went to find her.

We reach her office and she seems to be in haste. We followed and waited for her. My friend stood beside her trying to help me, “Teacher, Juey Fang need a... um...” 

She gave her a glance and said,"please complete your sentence. I couldn't wait for you to finish your sentence.''
“ Juey fang need a slip from you..”  Gosh, I was surprised she could tell her so directly. However, I felt more shocking on her response.
“Why are you helping her? Please don't let people take advantage of you.”
Then she turned to my direction, slightly shook her head, “Juey Fang, you have never changed.” 

Her words cut through my heart like a sword.

I kept quiet, what could I say?
I know that she is her favoured student, but this doen't mean that i'm taking advantage of her. How could she judge a book by its cover, while she's having her responsibility of a teacher? She know nothing about me. how could she know that i haven't changed? Please be more considerate would you? I trusted on her and put my only hope on her, yet her destroyed it so easily. Words are indeed sharper than weapons, they stabbed right into my heart like a dagger, leaving a scar that last for a life time. She'll never know, I will never forget the misery that she brought on me.

I returned to class with great remorse, and that’s what she has thought that I deserved it. Perhaps, that’s right, I deserved it. She did her duty, it's me that I blame.

I knew that i have no choice but to face the problem. So I went to chemistry teacher’s office alone. My eyes spotted my chem teacher from a distance, my mind practising what i should tell her, hoping that being frank will at least safe me.

“ 老师，其实我昨天帮人家做数学。。 所以迟进班了。。” i admit i was too emotional. Whenever i was facing the truth, it'll brought me to the extent of making me shed my tears. But i have tried to control my emotion..
“你的chemistry都酱差了！你还去教人家数学？？！我不相信你有酱伟大。成绩酱差还教人家数学？？” I declare that she has won. Staring down the floor blankly, my eyes started to get watery. 
“我还有东西要做”she left the office leaving me this sentence.

Instead of returning to my class, I hide myself in the toilet, leaned against the door and burst into tears. 

I admit that I was not strong; my heart is brittle.

One’s best success comes after the greatest disappointment. Perhaps this was what they wanted me to find out.