im sorry i emo again

i wanted to smile.

i wanted to cry.

i wanted to tell everyone that

this is not like me.

i feel uncomfortable around them

i feel lonelier and lonelier although the amount of friends increased by day

i have nothing to tell anyone when i'm surrounded by everyone

it's not like my world is gone without jeanne

it's not like friends around me only consist of kc jeanne and yam

it's not like ppl around me are all dumb or demon that i couldn't find any true friend

but i feel lonely.

i do feel very lonely.

i've tried to let go myself

without locking myself in a small damp room of a world.

in fact my friends increased

because i've find myself living in my own world

without knowing anything happened outside

but fact is i couldn't make it

i appreciate my friends

but you would find that there's a barrier

between me and them

i'm worse in making friends i thought.

when people around me started to blend in others life

i'm still living in my own little world

i do not know how to care bout people's life

until i've came to the extent that the tears in my eyes were about to drop

but i still find myself laughing with them

i'm not fake

i just thought that nobody will care what you emo about

ppl have their own problem

settle yours yourself

again i posted something that meant to be confident among my friends and me

but i just couldn't find a way to talk to her

and the true friend in the world isn't consist only her.

i seek for her attention by posting my status telling her how i felt

i used to thought that she's the old i could actually tell her anything

use to thought that if everyone hate me beside her that's more than enough

but i was wrong.

people are all individual

don't say that ppl are selfish for the sake of herself

it's how nature work

because she's not born for u

even parents

just stop emo aw juey fang.

live your life with success

sometimes friends are just luxuries

but it's hurt when your friend tell you that.

so just stop shitting around here

19年

什么子欲养而亲不在的道理，从课本上读来的明不明白知不知道你不会了解我心里深处的感觉。其实回家对我来说不会有很大的意义。。或许是习惯了家，回家会有习惯。但开不开心是另一回事。我很自私可是我没有感觉。不会想家可能是习惯回家都不与父母打声招呼。可悲。

如果我可以决定，我想活到39岁。可以吗？那好像是事业刚刚有所成就的高峰时期。但我只想以后要钱了可以建一些房屋给没有住宿的黑人们。帮助一些非洲的小孩。还有中国的。可是我却从来没把父母排在第一位。你可以往我心脏开一枪了。= (

矛盾

喂。。

跟你说

我又在犹豫不决了

要不要

能不能

好不好

想不想。。。

哎哟很烦咧

如果。。

我换了科

我会不会想念不用读书的日子

我会不会想念设计自己的monument的日子

我会不会想做回那些无聊的功课

砍竹

搬轮胎

被usm警察抓

原来

好像

真的很远了

我还有很多在hbp没认识的朋友

虽然朋友不是很重要

但我想我会想他们

每天忙忙碌碌的

很难有空去伤心

虽然有时觉得很闷

不知道自己在学什么

但为什么怎么现在这一刻

很怕自己转了以后会后悔

真的很怕

是momentum吗

走着走着

没空去想其他事情

就这么一直走下去了

怎么了

还没决定吗？

还是要这样继续读下去了

别问我了

因为我两个都喜欢

有时也都不喜欢

我喜欢的其实是做机器人

好不好

after reading a post

Just done reading kc's blog.. Honestly i'm touched after reading it..

For I know her so long, her blog is always more like informative for me..

hmm yea maybe you will feel that im not the kind of gan xing.

So here I'll be dedicating this post for my F6 friends, too.

yea this is a blog for pcghs form6 members.. =)

Firstly. kc? haha yea.. :)

hey i got no photos posting here. I'm sorry my files are kind of messy..

seriously she's my idol. through her blog i knew that in her eyes i have got a lot of friends here and there.. but I don't actually have much good friends.. I didnt know how to maintain a friendship well. sadly.

And you see.

this girl have lotss of good friends everywhere. I'd envy this thing about her. Frankly I usually don't act so over-friendly in front of a newly known friend. unless he/she is being introduce by kc. hahaha really ahh?? LOL i also dono. i feel so XD

eh wait i got more things to share .

Yeap you see my new life in penang start from the day I transfered to S4C in pcghs. *the old friends that i didnt contact tak kira liao =] this girl always tease me makes me speechless, and all i can do is stand there, laugh myself while everyone is laughing at me. LOL sounds like a joker =.= But yea i enjoyed the moments laughing with u . =)..

I like outdoor activities. This girl will always find me for it. Hiking jogging running shopping singing badminton. haha. hey you change gang by time but i found that your gang always got me leh . quite happy actually . haha =p

wei.. glad to know you . I know it was a little bit too late. after 4 years knowing you. =)

miss ya~

Next. siew poh and eng eng..

wei seriously im not so into you two.. really one. i just feel that. sometimes i just cant naturally chat with you two.. haha. this sentence tell the best 真正的好朋友不是一见面就有很多话聊，而是就算没有说话，也不会感到尴尬. felt sometimes just dono what to chat with u girls. then feel a bit 冷场。。 =.=. maybe u girls bo tease me that much. kc tease me more. LOL . hope next time will got more to chat with . =)

and..

there're a group of friends, that i felt they would be disliking me now. or maybe there's something they didnt see about me. idk le. =/

but i'll still say it here =)

U6SB friends. =) one that last on my mind for months, perhaps years, kim hooi fang, shi ling and angela. maybe one more. tze hong.

=/ don feel like being so serious now le..

hey we use to laugh like friends.. everything we can or stories that being created randomly.. *this is specifically for hooi fang. and angela shi ling no offend i didnt like to comment ppl actually. =/ don like things to be so complicated. cause my brain isn't that smart i knew it..

but one thing happened changed my life. *i wonder if she will ever read this

* hope someone may help to tell her

i worked with kim and i knew she hate i always being late. =/ i didnt succesfully changed my bad habit until then.

when i was working i found that i was being ignored. i feel a little bit sad. No. i feel so sad. ya.

I felt myself not being treated as a friend anymore. but an idiot driver.

I complained this to her ex good friend xx.

ok so that what happened la. and then the following months i found that i had lose a gang of friends or idk what's going on make ppl dislike me =.= . but

=|

=]

=)

=D! TELL U WAT. I LOVE MYSELF. =D. yea i feel myself is good. =) i like to help ppl . i like to see ppl smile i love to make ppl laugh =D. I feel happy doing stuff like that. i feel sipek syok when i make ppl laugh. =D wei but if u feel i'm not good in it please make me know ya!! or else it will happen : a person keep on ss but tarak orang s dia. LOL condolences for her.

last but not least,

=.= i feel her name already exist on my blog many N times d..

a friend that i liked the most that i ever met.

--

-----

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hey don think sideway i'll tell u why i like her so much . =)

1) dia sangat baik hati *dia selalu help saya

2) dia sangat su bun * wat i lack the most?? =.=

3) dia mia english sipek geng *if only my mum was banana too..

4) dia sangat ho chio *i talk with her 2 sentences i laugh 3 sentences

5) dia banyak caring *i rmb she always care of me last time

6) dia good listener *cont above

7) dia make me feel very comfortable when chat with her *hey told u i don feel comfortable chatting with everyone..

8) dia wont make me bosan. *ooo eh i realize she keeps tell me interesting things.

9)dia sangat comel. * ok la u see when i like u i will keep on praise u

10) dia kurus. *ok la this is not a reason =.=

11) she's my idol

wa so long the post. k la one more person. yyy. hahaha she's a zai nv but feel nice to tell her stories. =) . i like her reactions much. u will knew it when u knw her. =3

wei soo peng wannee i dono wat to write for u girls but i feel u wont see tiok this. right? o.o.

i feel like crying again . it has been 4 months. ever since i lose my best friend. i will not cry i will not cry. i will not cry.........

This is a Diary. Diary. diary

hell. im telling u that my life is sucks now. I wonder would it gets better by day . or would i ever getting more mature or would i get it through just like that.

I'm sick of everyday think about the past

everyday figuring out what's wrong with my attitude

trying to make myself a better man/girl

making myself think three or five times before the words pop out from my mouth

to be as low profile as possible

smile to every new friend that i met no matter how sad i am that day

*hey i just realize that im not faking my smile but i just too used to smile. OKay

people don't respond to my word i just feel so down

being sensitive afraid that someone might have taking about my bad words again

and no matter how happily I laugh , that's always void in my heart.

I hope u don't see this.

okay i tell u this not what i want.

i don want this.

i don wan i don wan i don wan i don wan i don wan i don wan i don wan don wan don wan don wan don wan don wan don wan don wan

I'm not a crown I'm not a parasite I'm not stupid I don't live my life for others

you asked why would u be so emo everyday? when u read this

but u wont see this in my real life. u would only see i smile everyday

I'm not faking my smile nor laugh but I have no other expressions for u
I don't feel like giving my heart for u
I feel you're so different from me

perhaps the only thing that i can give is my smile?

nothing else i can . seriously.

*ps don talk bout my car i hate being a driver

hell im so sleepy now.

gah. i just don't wanna lose myself. i just wan a simple life. with my simple plans.

I need a good friend

=(. does anyone want to be my good friend?

requirement:
1) you made me laugh deep from my heart every time i chat with u
2) i will tell u anything that happened on me
3) you will share anything about u to me *not everything.
4) you will tell me that's wrong to behave like that
5) you won't ignore me
6) you laugh with me
7) you care of my feeling
8) you will always support me
9) I will always support u

10) I will always listen to u

11) I won't do anything that u dislike but please tell me what is it before u deny me

I'm worst in socializing. I realized all my friends leave me. or I feel being hated after some times. Would I never gain a good friend? best friend? thats emo. but this is what hiding deep in my heart, that i never tell anybody. I just need a good friend. one who I feel most comfortable with . will you?